Suthanuhs

I received this in an email from a Texas Suthanuh and decided that the best way to handle it was to post it and just send the link to my friends.  :-)

Southerners know the movies that speak to their hearts:

• Fried Green Tomatoes
• Driving Miss Daisy
• Steel Magnolias
• Gone With The Wind

Southerners know their religions:

• Bapdiss
• Methdiss
• Football

Southerners know their cities dripping with Southern charm:

• Chawl'stn
• S'vanah
• Foat Wuth
• N'awlins
• Addlanna

Southerners know their elegant gentlemen:

• Men in uniform
• Men in tuxedos
• Rhett Butler

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them; you "PITCH" them.

Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."

Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."

Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in: "Going to town, be back directly."

Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular, sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.

All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad.  If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana  puddin'!

Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that"just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20 miles.

Only a Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're "in line,"... we talk to everybody!

Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.

In the South, “y'all” is singular, “all y'all” is plural.

Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

Every Southerner knows that tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.

When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin", you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!

Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk."  Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened.  "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.

And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her sweet little heart"... and go your own way.

To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southernness:  "Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning.  Bless your little heart!"

And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding  all this Southern stuff....bless your hearts, I hear they’re fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!

Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are

fahevah!

There ain't no magazine named "Northern Living" for good reason. There ain't nobody interested in livin' up north, nobody would buy the magazine!

Now Shugah, send this to someone who was raised in the South or wish they had a’been!  If you're a Northern transplant, bless your little heart, fake it. We know you got here as fast as you could.

Enjoy,
Yaakov

Gunfight Rules

Gunfight Rules 101

The “unwritten rule” of Gunfight Rules is, of course, always have a gun.  What is locked up and away from you is of no use.  What is unloaded and cannot be loaded in 1 or 2 seconds is of no use in a panic situation.

A: Guns have only three enemies: rust, liberal politicians, and unthinking wives.



B: It is always better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6.



C: Cops carry guns to protect themselves, not you.



D: Never let someone or something that threatens you get inside arm's length



E: Never say, "I've got a gun!", without being prepared to use it.   If you need to use deadly force, the next sound that they hear should be the safety on your gun clicking off.  My Dear Old Dad always taught me, “If you pull the gun you had better be pulling the trigger.  Otherwise do not pull the gun.  Never pull a gun just to threaten someone.  It doesn’t work.”

F: The average response time of a 911 call is 23 minutes, the response time of a .357 is 1400 feet per second or 1150 fps for a 9mm.

G: The most important rule in a gunfight is: If you absolutely can't avoid it, Always Win!



H: Make your attacker advance through a wall of bullets. . .  You may get killed with your own gun, but he'll have to beat you to death with it because it'll be empty
.

I: If you are in a gun fight:  If you are not shooting, you should be loading.  If you are not loading, you should be moving, If you are not moving, you're probably dead.



J: In a life and death situation, do something. . .  Liberals may argue, but do something!



K: If you carry a gun, people call you paranoid.  Nonsense!  If you have a gun, what do you have to be paranoid about?



L: You can say 'stop' or 'alto' or any other word, but a large bore muzzle pointed at someone's head is pretty much a universal language.



M: You cannot save the planet, but you must do everything you can do to responsibly save yourself and your family.

Shalom, 

Yaakov